I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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