How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
