anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
