I can't watch pbs sober anymore
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
