I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Randomize
