You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
only you would photoshop your dick
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize
