it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We're too hungover to prance.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
