The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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