You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
