i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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