i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
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