This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
