New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
