My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
