So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
