yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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