I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
