I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
