I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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