he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
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A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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