apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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