so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I believe in your delicious
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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