ugly people sure do ruin things
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
