I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
We got so high we made milksteak
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
