youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
