so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
