i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
