On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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