is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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