Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize