He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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