i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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