I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
