I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
We smell like vodka and hangover
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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