It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
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