My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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