so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
