I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
