He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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