There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
