You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
foreskin is a definite game changer
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
