Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
