so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
