in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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