I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
