hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
