You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
nutella sex= disaster
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
