There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Duck Duck Cougar?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
