I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
