New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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