Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
