I am spending my child support on dildos
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
