imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You are a booty call, not a friend.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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