we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
