I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
