what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
