ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
