It's Friday. Sex?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
