Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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