you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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