Me. At least after what I've been through.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
