Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
