In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Mom said you looked used
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
