dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
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She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
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He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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