My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
