For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
