currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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